current mood: crushed
current song: Kenny Chesney
So I know its been a while since I last updated....well, more than a while...hell, its been a month. I've been a slackass. Working two jobs, killing me. I'm tired constantly and when I do get online I barely have enough time check my emails. Nothing really new is going on. Casey came home on November 21 and goes back to DC on December 29. So just about 40 days to spend with him. So far, I only really have half of that to spend with him now. Lotsa issues going on there. Yeah, we've only been dating for 6 months and frankly that doesn't matter because we've been good friends for a long time. I've written time and time again about how different he is since he came back from Iraq. Its only been 2 months since he was hurt. I love him more now than I ever have. I just want a Thank you or an I love you or for him to take me out on a date. Anything else but to sit in the bedroom and watch TV, its just not healthy. He claims that I work too much. But, he also forgets that I quit my really good paying job and college to come stay with him while he was hurt. I have to work this much to make ends meet. He also forgets that the whole time that he was in Iraq, he couldn't wait to talk to me, couldn't wait to be with me, and couldn't wait to be home. Now that he's got those things...he could care less. I can't remember the last time he said I love you without me saying it first. Tonight, we're watching American Soldier on CMT and they were showing soldiers while they're talking on the phone to loved ones and I got a little emotional. Its hard to watch someone else go through something you yourself have gone through. He didn't grab my hand or try to make me feel better or even say a word. That's just not him. I WANT MY BOYFRIEND BACK. I am really mad and digusted with the fact that if he had not gone there in the first place he would be the same guy I fell in love with. I don't want to be the nagging girlfriend but recently that's all I've become with him. It always seems like I'm mad at something. We had this same discussion last weekend and I got so mad, I slammed the door, and seriously thought it was over between us. He did buck up and come to my house, talked to me like an adult, told me that he couldn't live without me (I know its there somewhere), and stayed at my house. But the next back to not calling me, or caring if I called him. Am I holding on to something that's not there anymore? Or I am holding on to something that I know is still there? I'm so confused. I just love him more than anything.