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mtndivluvmykbo [userpic]

(no subject)

December 8th, 2005 (12:18 am)
crushed

current mood: crushed
current song: Kenny Chesney

So I know its been a while since I last updated....well, more than a while...hell, its been a month. I've been a slackass. Working two jobs, killing me. I'm tired constantly and when I do get online I barely have enough time check my emails. Nothing really new is going on. Casey came home on November 21 and goes back to DC on December 29. So just about 40 days to spend with him. So far, I only really have half of that to spend with him now. Lotsa issues going on there. Yeah, we've only been dating for 6 months and frankly that doesn't matter because we've been good friends for a long time. I've written time and time again about how different he is since he came back from Iraq. Its only been 2 months since he was hurt. I love him more now than I ever have. I just want a Thank you or an I love you or for him to take me out on a date. Anything else but to sit in the bedroom and watch TV, its just not healthy. He claims that I work too much. But, he also forgets that I quit my really good paying job and college to come stay with him while he was hurt. I have to work this much to make ends meet. He also forgets that the whole time that he was in Iraq, he couldn't wait to talk to me, couldn't wait to be with me, and couldn't wait to be home. Now that he's got those things...he could care less. I can't remember the last time he said I love you without me saying it first. Tonight, we're watching American Soldier on CMT and they were showing soldiers while they're talking on the phone to loved ones and I got a little emotional. Its hard to watch someone else go through something you yourself have gone through. He didn't grab my hand or try to make me feel better or even say a word. That's just not him. I WANT MY BOYFRIEND BACK. I am really mad and digusted with the fact that if he had not gone there in the first place he would be the same guy I fell in love with. I don't want to be the nagging girlfriend but recently that's all I've become with him. It always seems like I'm mad at something. We had this same discussion last weekend and I got so mad, I slammed the door, and seriously thought it was over between us. He did buck up and come to my house, talked to me like an adult, told me that he couldn't live without me (I know its there somewhere), and stayed at my house. But the next back to not calling me, or caring if I called him. Am I holding on to something that's not there anymore? Or I am holding on to something that I know is still there? I'm so confused. I just love him more than anything.

mtndivluvmykbo [userpic]

(no subject)

November 15th, 2005 (11:24 pm)
lazy

current mood: lazy
current song: Johnny Cash

I know that I've been slacking on the updates. GEEZ, I know I'm a loser. Well, Case had surgery again yesterday to remove the shrapnel that was left in his right arm. He's doing great not too much pain except missing me. I can tell. And he is also coming home next week for 39 days! HOME FOR THANKSGIVING AND CHRISTMAS!!! I've never been so excited. I hate being away from him....it sucks. I cannot wait!

Nothing else has really been going on. Some super drama with my three very best friends. More advice needed. Read more...Collapse )

mtndivluvmykbo [userpic]

(no subject)

November 8th, 2005 (12:20 am)
content

current mood: content

Figured I might as well go ahead and do a small update.

Good things that happened today:
Got a raise at work. YAY!
I applied for 2 real jobs.
Casey called me and I didn't call him.
I threw out all the old pictures and momentos from my exes. DOUBLE YAY!
I got along with my sister. TRIPLE YAY!
And I decided to try to turn over a new leaf for a while (details at bottom)


Bad things: UGH
I ate too much.
I found out I'm addicted to Facebook.
I watched Mean Girls again.
I didn't wash my car.
And that's about it.

I have decided that I'm going to give Casey some much deserved space. I have to learn to step away sometimes and not be too pushy. I tried it today. When he called me when only talked for about 10 minutes. It about killed my not to stay on longer with him, but it was a good conversation. Even though he talked with an fake English accent (yeah I know retarded) the whole time, I couldn't get mad at him. Damn, I forgot for a second there. I really do love that boy more than anything in the whole world, not matter how stupid I act. Leaf turned over. BOOYA!

mtndivluvmykbo [userpic]

blah

November 7th, 2005 (12:24 am)
blah

current mood: blah

I know it seems like everytime that I write, I'm always bitchin', but LJ is kinda my scapegoat for bad days. I do have good days and I am a nice person, but I don't really like to give details of my personal life to my friends, or co-workers. If you live in a small town you know why. So LJ helps me to deal with what I keep bottled up inside. I didn't really do much today. I am seriously addicted to the TV series LOST and I watched the first 4 episodes of that wonderful show today on DVD. Then I ate ALOT and decided to call Casey AGAIN! Bad idea. He is in one of those "I don't really feel like talking" moods and I want to gab about everything. So long story short, we have a little tist and the phone is hung up on me. YAY! I cannot think of a better way to end my day, having the one person that I care about more than anything in this world, tell me that I'm acting like a child and hang up on me. WAHOO! I love this being apart and dating someone who is in complete denial about having post traumatic stress disorder. I need help. The doctor will see me first thing tomorrow...I need PROZAC!!!! AGH!

Back to work tomorrow. I hate it when I work 6 days a week, I feel like I don't get a break. Maybe I can wash my car too, it looks like I went mud-diggin'. I need a vacation....Does anyone want to fly me to an exotic island where there are plenty of super-hotties walking around feeding me grapes, fixing me mixed drinks, and rubbing my back? I swear I would love you forever.

mtndivluvmykbo [userpic]

Getting Better

November 6th, 2005 (12:13 pm)

I recently came to the conclusion that the reason that I was having bad days at work and getting aggrevated with everyone under the sun was because of the fact that I just miserable without Casey. I really don't know how to act and even though its the second time he's left in 4 months, its still hard to deal with. I don't understand how people can be away from the ones they love. Being here and him being there....SUCKS. I just miss him so much. Made it through a week though, so I'm doing good. Good news though, I will be able to go there for Thanksgiving. Shit, that's great news! I can't wait to see him. YIPPEE! And I'll get to see him again in December too because his mom has a conference there. Double YIPPEE! I worked 14.5 hours yesterday and I am exhausted. I didn't get to eat or take a break and barely got a pee break which sucked, but I raked in the moolah. I think I'm gonna go to my Grandma's, eat some southern home-cooking, and go back to bed. Best Day Ever! LOL.

mtndivluvmykbo [userpic]

Note to self....quit acting like an IDIOT

November 3rd, 2005 (09:47 pm)
blah

current mood: blah
current song: Journey's Greatest Hits

First things first.
MY DAY SUCKED ASS AGAIN!
I get up and what do I hear, my stupid sister yelling in my ear like I knew what the hell she was talking about. She can't use all 500 purses at once (if you're keepin up then you know what I'm talking about). She's physcho. I seriously believe that there something mentally wrong with the satan spawn of my lovely parents that just happens to live in the room next door. Well, long story short, I made her cry and she called my daddy. Enough said.

So on my way to work, I seriously have an emotional breakdown. I start crying and by the time I concentrate on where I'm going, I'm already there. Damn. And everything was pretty much okay there. Still work with RETARDed IDIOTS, nothing's gonna change that fact. Another, Damn. The girl who's husband owns the resturant that I work at just happens to be one of my really good friends. She asks me if I want to go have a drink with her at another bar in town after my shift. EXCITED, so I do. Right before I leave Casey calls and tells me to call him back in a little while. So Jen and I head over to this bar. While we are there, we are doing the whole girl thing, drinking wine, talking about stupid girls at work, and how stupid the men in our lives can be. I'm not one to gossip, because I know I feel bad when I'm talked about. But I was just so excited to be talking to one of my girlfriends about stuff other than ARMY, IRAQ, golf or hunting that I don't know what came over me. Well, throughout this conversation, I voicedialed Casey by accident. HE HEARS MY WHOLE CONVERSATION about how his friends can suck sometimes but I still love them, my exes friend and how cool they were, and the comparison of the two plus some of the stuff about my breakup with my last boyfriend. So without knowing that this has happened, I send a text to him. [Luv me? Yes or No] (just picking) He sends one back....[Oh, I don't know, I just heard your whole convo, Why don't you just go back to Will my friends aren't good enough. BUSTED!!!]

DAMN!!!! I really dug myself into deep shitty dirty hole. DAMN!

Well, he didn't stick around to hear the rest of the conversation like I love him more than anything and cannot live without him. And even though he's different than anyone I've ever dated, I cannot see myself without him. He finally realized that he didn't hear the whole conversation, just the part about his friends being a little different for my tastes, and he got mad. And he apologized. And said he loved me. DAMN CELLPHONES!!! You live you learn. I will not gossip or talk about my boyfriend and if I feel the need to talk about him in public to other people, I will leave my stupid phone in the car. DAMN I feel like a horse's ass. Could I be any more of an IDIOT!?

Oh yeah, Have to say, I'm hitting the gym tomorrow as well. Gotta lose a few so I can gain it back over Thankgiving and Christmas. DAMN! I'm a loudmouth and a fat ass.

I CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS WEEK TO BE OVER!!!!!

mtndivluvmykbo [userpic]

What a freaking spectacular day....YEAH RIGHT!!

November 1st, 2005 (10:32 pm)
pissed off

current mood: pissed off
current song: New Kids on the Block...don't ask

My day is as follows....

Wake up.
Killer Headache from Killer hangover from Killer Halloween paryting (went as Miss America).
Roll over.
Realize Casey's not here.
Pull the blanket over my head and let out a huge Sigh.
Say out loud, "The ARMY sucks."
Call Casey.
Talk about ten minutes.
Shower, and go to work, where I pull a double shift tending bar.
Realize I work with IDIOTS!
Get pissed at one lazy waitress who never does her job.
Get more pissed because a lady asks me if I'm pregnant, when I just lost 15 lbs.
And get more pissed because my manager put me on another double shift for Saturday.
Then get even more pissed because I agree to do it.
By now, I'm Super pissed because I have no life.
FINALLY, come home.
My sister yells at me about taking a purse that my mom bought for us.
Does she think its her freaking birthday? (it is, oh shit)
I forgot it was.
Call Casey again.
He tells me about all his doctor appointments he had today .
He says that he went to see his surgeon today about some pains he is having in his right wrist where shrapnel was removed and then sewn together.
The doctor looks at him and says...."Oh, don't worry about those pains. They're probably just from some of the shrapnel that was left in there."
WHAT THE HELL?!!!
LEFT IN THERE!!!!
SUPER ANGRY AT THE STUPID ARMY!!!
Why did they not let us know? Are they eating crack?
Guess I'll be on a plane soon to regulate.
So at this point in my day, looks like I have PMS, suffering from a hangover, look pregnant, am a purse stealer, work with idiots, have become an Army hater, and missing my boyfriend like crazy.

Will today ever end? GEEZ....

mtndivluvmykbo [userpic]

NEW UPDATE...the Army sucks.

October 30th, 2005 (03:57 pm)
disappointed

current mood: disappointed
current song: Three Doors Down

I know that it has been forever and a day since I last updated, but hey, if your man was home for 30 days, you'd be with him too. I worked all day, then went straight to his house and woke up the next day and did it all over again!!!! I can definitely say that this was the best 30 days that I've ever had....EVER!!! He left yesterday. He's back to Washington D.C. for checkups then back up to Ft. Drum, NY (a long way from SC) I hate the army! Did I say that yet? Things are so much different with him. He so much more reserved about his actions and gets aggrevated easily with everything (me, family, and not being able to do everything on his on). He still is unable to see correctly out of his eye and to me that means he should be here at home. I wish he had never gone to Iraq. I know that its bad to think this way, but I know that going "over there" made him that way. He is still having nightmares and shakes a lot in his sleep, which keeps my up 1/2 the night, but I don't mind. After watching him get on a plane yesterday for the second time in 3 months, my nerves are shot! I didn't cry, THANK GOD! But maybe it hasn't set in yet. I miss him so much is ridiculous!!!! I even dressed up for Halloween last night (as 80's Trailer Park Trash) and I'm sure that working everyday this week will keep me super busy and help me keep my mind off things. So if anybody reads this (freinds wise) give me an update on what is happening with you! Just so I'm back in the circle. SORRY I've been out of touch!
PS. I HATE THE ARMY!

mtndivluvmykbo [userpic]

The Crazy Life

October 10th, 2005 (09:36 pm)
bitchy

current mood: bitchy
current song: Pink Floyd

Well tomorrow...I go back to work...UGH! Working in public service drives me insane sometimes...Note to self...Look for a new job.

Things are great! I really can't complain. BUT there's always something. I know things are hard for Casey. He's going through a harder time than any of us around here have gone through ever. And he hasn't really talked to me about it much. He has a lot of nightmares, and shakes a lot in his sleep. I know it will be that way for a while. Casey is so laid back and doesn't really say much, but I know there's something going on here. He's acting different, kinda distant.

He's still just as sweet as before, but somehow he's not the same. He won't kiss me hello, kiss me goodbye, and barely kissed goodnight. No hugs. And no PDA, especially in front of "the boys." He'll disappear for a whole day (like today for instance) with one of his friends who I know own a cell phone. I'll leave in the morning around 9 or 10 and it's now 15 'til 10 and I haven't heard one little peep from him. I have other stuff to do with my day (thank God) but there's still those feelings of worrying and WHAT IS HE DOING?! Maybe I'm over-reacting. I know he probably needs his space after being cooped up with me for three weeks in DC, but after taking care of him and waiting on him hand and foot, I at least deserve a small tiny phone call just to say, "Hey, I'm alive." I swear that boys DO NOT think at all with their brains and if weren't for women they wouldn't be able to do shit. The would be lifeless blobs who don't do anything but sit on the couch, eat chicken wings, watch golf and baseball, and go to the bathroom. IDIOTS! I'm so pathetic that last night, he says, "I sure am thirsty." And my little blonde ass without even thinking jumps up and makes it half way to the kitchen before I realize he does still have two legs. And last time I checked two arms. And he is able to walk to the freaking kitchen...."Get your own damn cranberry juice." GEEZ....He ought to at least do something nice for me. A movie, or just dinner. Would he have jumped up and got me cranberry juice? NO WAY! Hell, We've only been on one real date EVER!!!! (which usually I don't care about going out, BUT Hello?! I need to do something besides you and golf) AGH! YES, I am mad, and YES, I feel underappreciated. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH STUPID MEN!!!

Sorry about the boy-bashing....it just needed to happen.
Other than that, great day, watched two movies, had my hair touched up, and drank a lot of Coca-Cola! My cousin came up from Florida to do a little hunting with my dad. God, I sound like a redneck. LOL!

At least there's always tomorrow.

mtndivluvmykbo [userpic]

Home Sweet Home

October 9th, 2005 (01:32 pm)
drained

current mood: drained
current song: Guns N Roses

I cannot believe that Casey will be going back to D.C. in only 20 days. It seems like he just came home. At least its not IRAQ!!! Still no change with his eye. Everything that he sees is just blurry and small (don't know about that one), but at least he's not blind...I took him to get in stitches out on Friday and they were scared to take them out of his finger so he has to be seen by a hand specialist on Tuesday. So we have to drive back to FT Jackson again. We'll probably be there ALL day AGAIN! I was so glad that he was home, I forgot that he will have to go back or even that he has a year left in the army...Those stupid ARMY doctors are even saying he may have to go back to Iraq. ARE THEY CRAZY? He can't see and he doesn't have but half a finger....What idiots! They must be eating crack. I know I haven't updated much, but not too much is going on. I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with him before he leaves. Its hard to do considering that he wants to do so much other stuff like fishing, hunting and golf (all things he does alone). Why can't that boy go ahead and marry me so I can just go with him? Just kidding....wishful thinking. I promise I will write more soon.